Whether spurred by a milestone birthday, life upheaval, or simply curiosity, many of us will at some point set out on a quest for greater self-knowledge.
As part of this process, we must not only search to determine what constitutes our true selves, but let go of objects of identification we’ve long mistaken for ourselves, requiring a balance of introspection and new experiences.
So let’s set sail.
In this article, we’ll give you a range of powerful questions to help you along your journey of self-discovery and point you toward further reading and resources.
Before you continue, you might like to download our three Meaning and Valued Living Exercises for free. These creative, science-based exercises will help you learn more about your values, motivations, and goals and will give you the tools to inspire a sense of meaning in the lives of your clients, students, or employees.
Drawing often from the field of philosophy, psychologists point to the illumination of our daimon (or ‘true self’) as the ultimate goal of self-discovery.
Formally defined, this true self is
“the central inner force common to all human beings and yet unique to each, which is the deep source of growth… [that is] free, healthy development in accordance with the potentials of one’s generic and individual nature.”
Horney, 1950, p. 17
As part of the process of searching for our true selves, we are ultimately working to identify three things (Waterman, 2011):
The search for our true selves, therefore:
“refers to those processes, both intuitive and reasoned, by which those [personal, purpose-related] potentials are discovered and come to attain the status of personally concordant goals that are to be actualized.”
Waterman, 2011, p. 360
According to this view, a person’s true self essentially lies beneath the surface, and our task is to find, recognize, or understand that which already exists. Once you have, you can then make choices about your life and identity that are more consistent with this self-knowledge (Waterman, 2011).
Two ways to catch glimpses of our true self involve being intentional about the atmospheres in which we immerse ourselves and noticing the activities we feel drawn to.
The more time we spend in the presence of supportive family, friends, lovers, and communities, the sooner we will be likely to discover our true nature. This is because warm and encouraging atmospheres facilitate feelings of inner security while providing the freedom to have our own feelings and thoughts (Horney, 1950).
To this end, here are some ideas to consider:
Pay close attention to the things you naturally love doing, or drifts, particularly those that are personally expressive. By paying attention to the subconscious pull of these activities, you can allow them to guide you toward your true self, stemming from your genetic makeup, upbringing, and experiences (Pagedar, 2021).
These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients with tools to find meaning in life help and pursue directions that are in alignment with values.
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To understand why self-discovery is so important, we must consider the consequences of failing to identify our true selves.
According to Horney (1950), when a person experiences a large discrepancy between their lived and real selves, they are likely to experience a sense of alienation from themselves. This remains true even if the person is successful in their activities and receives external rewards.
Such a person may often notice themselves wondering, “Why am I doing this when it’s not who I really am?” The consequence is a feeling of guilt or dissatisfaction if we fail to live up to an idealized version of ourselves that we cannot be.
Besides this negative emotional toll, the problem with pursuing such an ideal is that it will be rooted in externally derived standards of worth.
To illustrate, here are some examples:
When we cannot live in alignment with our true selves, we must spend energy attempting to deny and distort our experiences to make sense of a pervasive lack of happiness and personal fulfillment. This ongoing effort can go so far as to produce psychological states and conditions such as depression (Waterman et al., 2010).
This is why self-discovery is so important.
Our goal in life should not be to pursue imagined or externally derived ideals, but rather to develop a more realistic understanding of our strengths and limitations. By doing so, we can avoid negative psychological states and self-actualize, feel contentment, and make better contributions to the world.
If you’re looking to derive new insights about your true self, a coach can help you on your journey.
A growing trend in coaching, self-discovery coaching is about looking beyond specific goal pursuits (e.g., “I want to improve my self-esteem”) to discover how we can live authentically and be truly happy.
Self-discovery coaching has many components, including (Elevate Life Project, n.d.):
The role of a self-discovery coach in this process is to act as co-pilot on a client’s journey toward authentic fulfillment by challenging them, imbuing them with courage, and showing compassion.
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If you or your clients are looking to set off on a self-discovery journey, consider the following fun and insightful activities to get you started.
This exercise is a useful starting point for viewing yourself clearly in terms of values, beliefs, and more. The exercise guides users through a two-step process of considering themselves from the perspective of others, followed by a consideration of their self-perceptions at different times in their life.
Collage is a fun and cathartic method of self-discovery that helps people bypass the socially protective aspects of the mind and reveal aspects of their authentic self. Best of all, no previous art experience is required.
For a great resource, check out Shelley Klammer’s 12-week online course and check out the #collageforselfdiscovery hashtag on Instagram to get inspired by others’ collages.
Created by famous Japanese psychologists Tadahiko Nagao and Isamu Saito, kokology, the study of kokoro (“mind” or “spirit” in Japanese), is a fun and sometimes hilarious game for learning about yourself.
The game invites players to answer questions about seemingly innocent topics, such as the color of an imaginary bird that has flown in their window, to reveal profound insights in their answers.
As part of any self-discovery journey, it is important to take time out for introspection.
Journaling and worksheets can both be hugely helpful for this purpose.
To help, look at some of the following free resources from our site:
If you’re more into journaling, see if any of the following prompts might inspire some of your upcoming entries (Hollis, 2019):
